I'm an optomistic failure.

Sometimes, when I am watching the televsion, I evaluate the people I see doing things and i judge them on it. Now, I don't know these people, nor do I know who they conduct their business, their lives, their... anything. Yet, I pre-judge them and I feel better about myself for it, because I was sooo "cool" for pointing something negative out. You know, like when you watch some weight loss show and you laugh about how the overweight person can't finish running up the hill. I don't think I would do that, due to the fact that I used to BE that person..so..yeah.
Any how, do you get my point? People pre-judge by the appearance of a person.
Now it's your turn to judge me.
I am a normal woman , with a very normal life. I get up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. Sounds like a boring lifestyle. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have friends over and such, just not that often. And people judge me every day. I am judged for my age in the workplace.
I don't see a problem with being the youngest assistant, because I do my job to my best ability and I shouldn't be teased about my age just because some older woman is jealous of my youth.
I am judged for my relatioship with God. I love God, I turn to him for everything..I smile when I think of him, I pray as much as I can.. yet I have people in my life who would frown upon me for my God.
I am judged for my weight. I am not small, nor am I huge, but I am not at a comfortable weight for myself and I feel a little...un-attractive.
I am judged for my relationship. I have a finace who lives in Missouri. Yes I've met him, we've known each other for 2 years...IN PERSON. He just happens to be in college and I just happen to love my job here. He will be here soon. :)
I can overcome all of those things. I can forget what people say and let go and let God handle all of that stuff. It isn't that hard. BUT...I have difficulty overcoming this one huge mess up in my life.
I cheated.
And I cheated horribly. I was a wimpy, ignorant, silly girl who thought physical intimacy would make up for the gap in my relationship with my finace. It didn't help. I fell flat on my face, and told my mn as soon as he got here on his break from college. Of course he was upset..in fact..he was going to leave. But for some odd reason..he did not leave. He kissed me and told me I needed to make it up to him by being his and only his for the rest of his life. I agreed and things are better, but you can never shake this feeling of regret. Oh the irony. The title of my blog is NO REGRETS. HMM?! I messed up. But I realized that I can't regret this mess up in my life. If it had not happened I would not have grown stronger from it, and I wouldn't be writing this for other people to hear.

I fought my self about writing this down for all the internet, or at least a few bloggers, to read and gasp and judge me about.But I realized I have already been judged by God, and I have no one else to convince. I have been forgiven, I have let go, and I am happy to say that I can love MYSELF again.
So smile and remember that even the bad things in life have positive outcomes, whether it be experience, or self-forgiveness, or self-love, knowledge, or appreciation.

I thank God for my flaws, for my mess ups, for my failures. They made me strong in my faith and in my life.

May all of you learn from your failures, and your trials. God Bless you all, and have a wonderful week discovering what a wonderful person you really are.

Awkward nick-names?

1. Your rock star name (first pet/current vehicle) - Abigail Geo
2. Your Gangsta name (favourite ice cream flavour/fave type of shoe) - Mint chocolate chip flip flop
3. Your Native American name (fave colour/favourite animal) - Green Cat
4. Your soap opera name (middle name/city of birth) - Kaitlyn Amarillo
5. Your Star Wars name (first 3 letters of last name/first 2 letters of first name) Emead
6. Your Superhero name (second fave colour/fave drink) - Yellow Tea
7. Your NASCAR name (first names of your grandfathers) - Bill Bob
8. Your dancer name (favourite scent/fave candy) - Cinnamon twizzlers
9. TV Weather Anchor name (5th grade teacher/city that starts with the same letter) - Parker Pittsburgh
10. Your spy name (fave season/flower) - Fall Lily
11. Your cartoon name (favourite fruit/article of clothing you are wearing) - Mango Pants
12. Your hippie name (what you had for breakfast/favourite tree) - Doughnut Pine
13. Your porn star name (first pet/first address) - Abigail Washington. LOL!!!!!

Pick your favorites and play along on your own blog or in the comments.

Cramps!

Being a woman is hard, but being a woman in a relationship is harder. Its like opening up part of your chest, and offering it to someone. When they hurt you , its like they ripped part of your heart out and poured salt where the rest remained. When they love you, its like they added better parts to you, and sewed you up nice and pretty, no scars!
Yet, as a woman, we let petty little things mar our feelings and we become super-beasts. God made me emotional, and God knows I am emotional to the core, but for some reason he made me patient enough to never hit. I am proud of that fact, but I am not proud of the fact that I have taken things about on my friends with my words.
That is in its own way,a punch in the soul.
Someone happened to talk some dirt on me, I was so very unhappy with this fact that I spilled to my best friend about it, who just so happens to be good friends with this woman. I felt so bad, I just didnt talk about it anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to swallow pride and the burning need to redeem your self?! Its like trying to win at chess. All strategy. I SUCK at strategy.
I am Mrs. Blunt-and-to-the-point.

So pray for my mouth to stay shut, and forgive me if a few words leave.

Set a guard , oh Lord, before my lips.

Love your friends, and think of the way they would feel if you spilled something about one of their friends if you were upset. Would you tell them they were wrong? Would you not say a thing? Or would you avoid the situation and leave?

Thanks much and God Bless!

The New look of No Regrets.

Come and enjoy the all new, brand new...motto and picture. WOOOOOO HOOO!

Spring Break.

"Whoso loves, believes the impossible."
Elizabeth Barret Browning


William Wordsworth--
"Faith is a passionate intuition"


W. H. Auden--
To choose what is difficult all one's days, as if it were easy, that is faith.

Mercy Me--
"I can only imagine..."

In this day and age, when men cheat freely, women manipulate frequently, and religions batter their followers, its nice to catch the beautiful little moments when God puts his hands on the earth and shows us a glimpse of his power and awesome ability to heal and love.

I am a Montessori teacher's assistant, who is never treated like an assistant. I am treated as an equal and the children see me as an equal as well. I feel like I fit in nicely, and the kids are my heart, but there are some days when the frustration makes me feel just a little worthless. Today, as I sit there eating my lunch ..I watch a child make the funniest looking Mr. PotatoHead, with huge lips and an arm coming out of its head. I laughed so hard I cried..and I felt so much better...just laughing. That's how I know there is a God, and why I have faith.

When a person laughs..it releases pain that was locked away, escaping softly behind a laugh instead of hurting through a scream. I didn't have the best of childhoods, no one really does, but I am glad I have God now, to help me let go of all of those deep dark sins, and lies, and painful memories. Everyday it gets easier to realize that I AM a good person, that I DO have talents, and that I AM successful.

SO in order to make you laugh..and release your pain, grief, or overflowing bucket of happiness, I will tell you a funny story.

SO I am with my friends one day, just having a coffee and one of my male friends turns to me and says, "Do you know where my paper went?" And at that very moments...SPLAT. His paper, that was situated in the side of his laptop bag flies up and smacks his coffee into his lap and hits him in the face. He pulls the paper off of his face, looks down at his stained khakis and laughs so hard he nearly knocks my coffee off the table. The paper read. "Lawsuit on Coffee tainted with bad evidence."
Haha.

Smile a little. I am Mrs. Grumpy DoodleDoo today and I am still writing something to inspire you. So cheer up and live life in a happy way. Swat away the bad. And LAUGH.

One smile.

Smile at someone today. Trust me, it's worth it...even in this day and age where you still get flipped the bird for waving . Its worth it when that person smiles back, or nods their head.

Someone once told me that my smile tells people who I am. It tells them that I am open with my feelings, I express them out loud and in the simple showing of teeth, and that I have nice teeth and good lips. Some people notice the physical first, but thats human nature. I have always noticed that a true smile is not forced, nor asked, nor given. A true smile is those ones you dont see in the pictures. Its the smile you see when you see something you love, something you care about, something you are happy about. THATS A SMILE.

Faith in Flying.

Gravity is spiteful. It holds you down, it makes you not jump nearly as high as those guys in the videogames..it denies you flight.
I used to think that gravity was the most awful thing in the world. It made me fall out of trees and scrape my knees, it made me stay on the ground when the kite I ran with flew in the sky, as free as the birds. I used to hate gravity.
Now I think of gravity as God's hands keeping me well grounded. Gravity allows me to walk on the street and not be blown into a building, just as God's hands keep me from harm. Gravity keeps me well grounded when paper flies about in the wind, unable to grip anything, just as God's love for me keeps me well grounded in my faith.
Yet I have the faith that when my spirit is not bound to this earthly body, then my spirit will fly far beyond this place and become part of the heaven that I so crave.

Faith makes me feel like I don't have to fly right now, because the waiting makes it that much sweeter.

Thank you Lord, for being my rock...my gravity.