Sunday, November 16, 2008

Small Wonders.

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder don't you know the hardest part is over let it in, let your clarity define you in the end we will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain.
Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you, let it shine ,until you feel it all around you and i don't mind if it's me you need to turn to we'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end.
Our lives are made in these small hours these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain.
All of my regret will wash away some how, but i can not forget the way i feel right now in these small hours these little wonders these twists & turns of fate these twists & turns of fate time falls away but these small hours these small hours, still remain.



Those are lyrics that really need to be broken down into perspective, or at least my perspective.
People really need to see that this song has more meaning in it than they see...or hear.

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder ,don't you know the hardest part is over let it in, let your clarity define you in the end we will only just remember how it feels

Now to me, that says we need to letgo of our past, to let God handle it. To let our worries sink, and neve return to haunt us as we so often do. To brush the dust off of our proverbial shoulders.
The hardest part IS over, the part where you give yourself to someone completely, trusting him and only him. Him being God. And I love this part, Let your clarty define you in the end.. Let WHO YOU ARE be the only thing that makes you who you are. God is in our hearts and therefore a part of us, influencing us in the most positive way possible. And the last, you will only just remember how it feels. You wont even remember, just barely, but enough to make you think, how it felt when you hurt before. Before i came to God, I was just an angry person, with angry thoughts. Now I am happy with myself, and that in turn, makes me a better friend.


Our lives are made in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate, time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain .


Time here on earth doesnt last forever, yet we should make what little time we have out of love and compassion. These little wonders, you ask? These little wonders are the child that is born despite hours of labor and the child that is born in 15 minutes, the way a child looks at his teacher when he learns a word, the way the teacher looks at that child and knows she has done well, the way a person will still stop and help someone cross the street, the way peoplegive to other openly, freely, and unashamed. These little wonders are what God creates to show you how wonderful our world is! And we look right past them, but they are still there, they still remain.


Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you let it shine until you feel it all around you and i don't mind if it's me you need to turn to we'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end .

Once again, let go of your worries. Let go and Let GOD. And I dont mind, if its me you need to turn to we'll get by...thats about friends. Leaning on your friends in times of need, not forgetting..Its the heart that really matters in the end. And who dwells in our heart? GOD.


I place God into every scenario in my life, and it truly does help me with things. Matters of the heart. As in. Will this man be right for me? Can he love God as much as I, and respect that I will need time to be close to him instead of rushing on in.

In matters of the pocketbook. Do you really need to be buying that purse when you haven't given tithe, or gotten something for your secret pal?

In Matters of the soul. God, is my Aunt with you? Why has she done this?

People will call me a Jesus freak up and down the street, before once taking into consideration why I ask God for somuch help. I ask him for his advice, and his love, and his companionship. I rely on him, with my "blind faith" and I get the things I need.

I have been told I am awful for following the Christian faith, and that I am worse for wanting to persue the Catholic faith. Yet, its the heart that really matters in the end.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

On days like these..

It on days like these that you realize how much God is present in your life.

I have always struggled with God, trying to reach out to him, but it was my own fault that I never reached far enough. I wasn't trying. I was just..hoping. I believe in hope, oh yes, but I was just expecting to be saved when I needed it. I needed to give myself to him, and I think today was that day.

At 12 AM we arrived at the church, a massive structure with menacing pillars and gothic spikes. Yet, when I stepped inside I heard the laughter of children, a sound I love and pray for everyday. There was a nusery school next to the small chapel where small cemonies, in this case the memorial, and the sound was so relieving to almost dropped my things. I think I had been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and with one little sound, it flew away.

To the dismay of my Aunt Chow, one of my mothers 5 sisters, I was running the sound and unable to sit with the family. I ran over the songs and I was perfectly fine...until 2 people came in. They sat quietly, one folding her arms, but they looked so...unhappy to be there. Of course no one is ever happy to be at a funeral for a friend, or family member, but they did not look mournful, they looked obligated. Let me explain obligated. Its like having to go to a party where you know people that you need to meet will be. These women, very short, and very old, looked like they had to come to this and they sat there, arms folded, like teenagers at a quilters clique. I was, for a lack of better words, pissed.

Yet the anger subsided into crying and I looked like a sobbing mess for 5 minutes in a quiet room while the rest of my family filed in.

Now, I don't need to tell you about the weeping during the ceremony, or any of that. Sad things happen on sad occasions. But I do want to tell you that the pastor of that church is amazing, and I will visit his church, often.

God does indeed have mysterious ways of going about things. I don't think I have ever prayed more in one day than I did today. Mostly to keep my Aunts and Cousins and Mother and Grandmother from losing their heads. I was strong for a while, long enough to take care of those who needed me, and I thank God for granting me that.

But the strangest things were happening today. We found the serenity prayer on 3 different book marks in my grandmothers bible, on a window in the hotel, and before today, last week, I prayed it twice, and gave someone a gift with that prayer on it. God was telling me something, and I think it meant, share. Change. Give. Love. And pray more often!

Thank you God, for my beautiful, rebellious Aunt Jeri. She is in our hearts and aways will be.

Remeber that each day you leave the house, each morning you wake, each night before you eat, to thank GOD for that day and for the people you love most.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Where for art thou Sunday?

I woke early this morn to find that I had spent the night at my Aunt's best friend's house, where my Aunt from out of town was staying due to the loss of my other Aunt, my dearest Aunt Jeri.

On a side note, I would like to mention that my Aunt was one of the best people to live, and I miss her so much. But I am very glad that she is in Heaven where she can be with her most favorite of people, My great Grandfather, Papa.

It was 9:45, and morning mass had already started and I banged my head on the table more than a few times, as I sat down to look at my tired and very forlorn Aunt Cherril. I had missed Mass, on the day when I most needed it. I thought to myself, as I sat there, "Why does my body refuse to wake on the days when I most need and crave the word of God?"
And then I thought about it some more, and I realized it was out of fear. I fear the process of coming to God, and realizing my own potential. But as I sit here, I realize that I do not need to come to God, for he already has me in his arms. So as I sipped at my morning coffee I promised myself that I would attend next Sunday's Mass and I would go to the confimation classes that signed up for and I would stay true to my word.

One of the teachers at my school, who is the wife of the blog I now follow, is my sponsor and I know she will do me right. She is so very nice to me, and has never wronged me in anyway, Travis is a very lucky guy.

So Sunday, here I come, to listen, to worship, to inhale the very word of God.

Thank you to Travis, and Jen. I do hope you read this, and I hope that we have a blessed day.

And Travis, though we havent met properly, if there is a proper way to meet, I think you are a great guy. Your Blog is awesome and it inspires me to write more.

God Bless.


Saturday, November 8, 2008

The endless amounts of poetry.

You will never guess how many poems I have written. And by poem, I mean angry, depressive, and sometimes quite logical words strewn together into a non-rhyming pattern. Not that sissy, "Roses are Red" stuff. I am so complex I even confuse myself,. And this blog, this is not a new thing to me , only a new website, where I will fill e-pages, with words that will either make no sense at all to you, or completely shock you. Or you might love it, and tell your publisher about it!
And there will be typos...oh there shall be. For I am sometimes too busy to spell check, or even stop typing.

You will get used to it, once you read the rest of my work. I might stop to look over my words, but I doubt it.

Thanks you Blogspot. I think you will serve me well.