Christmas wishes.

There are some people in this world who look at things in a different manner than the rest of us. They wear "rose colored glasses" and smile when others frown, they have a skip in their walk, instead of a shuffle, and we look at them like they are insane. Us pessimists look at the world with blurry vision, hampered by the thoughts of anger, distress, and just our general worry about useless things, like our coffee was too hot, or work was too long. We should be thankful we had the money to get that coffee, or the car to get to that job.

So in this holiday season, let us put on our "green and red colored glasses" and feel the rush of ignoring the spilled coffee on your pants, brushing it off, and moving on with your day as if it never happened. Feel how good it is to take pride in your work , and forget what time it is, and that way you are smiling when work ends.

On another note, lets take into consideration, mr. Santa Claus, AKA St. Nicholas.

It was on wednesday evening that I recived an email that said ..
" The 4 stages of Life."

"1: First you believe in Santa Claus.
2: You stop believing in Santa Claus.
3: You become Santa Claus.
4: You look like Santa Claus."

Now, after laughing for several minutes and forwarding to other people, I thought of something important in the message.

I believed in Santa Claus until I was 8 years old. And the only reason I stopped believing is when I caught mommy hurrying up the stairs and saw her close the door, santa hat in hand. My belief in the person, Santa Claus, had ended and I was devestated. But when I did have that faith him , it was as strong as could be, ever. When you are a child you have ultimate faith in the things you want, and you will believe them until your hopes are dashed.
I will do as I always do, and incorporate God into this passage. Get used to it, please.

Child-like wonder is equal to Child-like faith, and as I see it, we are all children of God, taking baby steps on the road to salvation. As of right now, many christians are teens in faith, being awkward and rebellious towards our faith, treating it like our parents, ignoring it when we most need to and crying out for it when we are in need.

Becoming Santa Claus is the most rewarding thing on earth, and no I am not Tim Allen and this is not the "Santa Claus 4, Christmas on the fritz" or anything, but it is important to me. When you have children , and you buy them presents and you set them out on Christmas morning, it feels so good knowing that they will be smiling when they wake up at 4 AM and pounch you while you are asleep, snoring, and completely out of it from the night of present sneaking. Even in that haze of screaming children and sheets flying, you can smile knowing that they are gonna open those gifts and be so happy that they will pass out early that night from the excitement of opening things they have been waiting for weeks for. And that is a blessing in its self. Smile for that and remember to love being Santa Claus, for he/she is the most loved of humans. And for one night, you get to be that. be thankful.

P.S. I dont have kids, but my boyfriend does, and I love them dearly.

Be blessed this holiday season and wish for faith to restore its self in human kind, wish for the smiling faces of children, wish for the unconditional love our Lord and savior. Oh wait, he have me that at birth! THANK YOU God, for giving us your only son, for giving us your love, your hope, your world and our freedom. You washed us and took away our sin, and the only thing I can give to you this day my God, is my prayers, my worship, and my life. Thank you. THANK YOU.

Giving Christ back to Christmas.

Peanut brittle. Candy canes that hang off of lopsided christmas trees. Presents wrapped in the most beautiful bows you have ever seen. People with sleepy eyes, staring at the cup of hot cocoa and smiling down at the squealing children who had opened their presents in 10 seconds flat, and that was only due to the tape,minus the tape it would have been 5 seconds.

Thats what I think of when I think of Christmas. But mine hasnt been like that in years. Probably due to the fact that I have gotten too big for my Alvin and the Chipmunk "Christmas Edition" Pajamas. Or maybe it is because I havent been offered a normal christmas in over 4 years.

I used to have the most wonderful Christmas'. I would wake up to the most fantastic display of wrapping paper and tinsle. My eyes would light up and jump about from package to package, then directly to the little note on the table that Santa ALWAYS left. Afterwards, after the dinner that came in the middle of the day, I would snuggle up to watch Rudolph, or Frosty, and almost always fall asleep. I was a very sleepy child.

But now, when I think of Christmas, I think of Giving. Giving all that I may, and never wanting anything back.
All I asked for Christmas this year was the presence of those I love. And God blessed me with a wonderful vacation to a small little town, filled with people, who are completely kind to me. I am truly blessed.

But today I was blindsided with the pain of someone else thinking material goods are more important than human contact.
I am dating this man, this wonderful man who just gives and gives and gives. His only problem is he believes that "things" are better than the simple company of friends.
He because so jealous today after learning that one of my friends bought me the gift that he was going to buy me. He was so upset that he didnt talk to me for hours. Finally I got him on the phone and asked him what was wrong, because he hadnt told me why he was mad. But when he told me, I was so flabberghasted I just stared at the phone. And then the tears rolled down. My heart broke at the fact he thought a little MP3 player would be more important than just being able to spend time with him. Finally, I told him that I was sad about him not realizing that I want only to spend my Christmas with him, and he bit his tongue, asking for forgiveness.

Christmas is not about the things you get, how expensive they were , how big they are, or how useful they are.
Its also not about the amount of money that you spent on someone else, or how big those gifts were.
God wants us to share what we have, give what we can, and love with all of our souls.

So put down the shopping list. Dont spend 45 dollars on that Hannah Montana whatchamajigger, or 85 on that tennis bracelet your wife will probably break when she is busting her buns trying to fix something broken.

Spend one hour playing a board game with your kids. Spend one hour massaging your wives feet. Spend one hour cuddling with your husband. Spend one hour in the same room with your whole family, MINUS THE TV. Turn off the Millionaire and make some memories. Call the loved ones you have out of town, and remember to love and celebrate the birth of Jesus, the one who came to save us, so that we might love upon our little ones....and our not so little ones. [Travis . LOL.]


Merry Christmas my readers. Now turn off the computer and love on your kids, your spouse, your girl, your man, your grandparents, your aunts, you cousins, and even those weird half relatives. =] GOD BLESS YOU!

Small Wonders.

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder don't you know the hardest part is over let it in, let your clarity define you in the end we will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain.
Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you, let it shine ,until you feel it all around you and i don't mind if it's me you need to turn to we'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end.
Our lives are made in these small hours these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain.
All of my regret will wash away some how, but i can not forget the way i feel right now in these small hours these little wonders these twists & turns of fate these twists & turns of fate time falls away but these small hours these small hours, still remain.



Those are lyrics that really need to be broken down into perspective, or at least my perspective.
People really need to see that this song has more meaning in it than they see...or hear.

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder ,don't you know the hardest part is over let it in, let your clarity define you in the end we will only just remember how it feels

Now to me, that says we need to letgo of our past, to let God handle it. To let our worries sink, and neve return to haunt us as we so often do. To brush the dust off of our proverbial shoulders.
The hardest part IS over, the part where you give yourself to someone completely, trusting him and only him. Him being God. And I love this part, Let your clarty define you in the end.. Let WHO YOU ARE be the only thing that makes you who you are. God is in our hearts and therefore a part of us, influencing us in the most positive way possible. And the last, you will only just remember how it feels. You wont even remember, just barely, but enough to make you think, how it felt when you hurt before. Before i came to God, I was just an angry person, with angry thoughts. Now I am happy with myself, and that in turn, makes me a better friend.


Our lives are made in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate, time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain .


Time here on earth doesnt last forever, yet we should make what little time we have out of love and compassion. These little wonders, you ask? These little wonders are the child that is born despite hours of labor and the child that is born in 15 minutes, the way a child looks at his teacher when he learns a word, the way the teacher looks at that child and knows she has done well, the way a person will still stop and help someone cross the street, the way peoplegive to other openly, freely, and unashamed. These little wonders are what God creates to show you how wonderful our world is! And we look right past them, but they are still there, they still remain.


Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you let it shine until you feel it all around you and i don't mind if it's me you need to turn to we'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end .

Once again, let go of your worries. Let go and Let GOD. And I dont mind, if its me you need to turn to we'll get by...thats about friends. Leaning on your friends in times of need, not forgetting..Its the heart that really matters in the end. And who dwells in our heart? GOD.


I place God into every scenario in my life, and it truly does help me with things. Matters of the heart. As in. Will this man be right for me? Can he love God as much as I, and respect that I will need time to be close to him instead of rushing on in.

In matters of the pocketbook. Do you really need to be buying that purse when you haven't given tithe, or gotten something for your secret pal?

In Matters of the soul. God, is my Aunt with you? Why has she done this?

People will call me a Jesus freak up and down the street, before once taking into consideration why I ask God for somuch help. I ask him for his advice, and his love, and his companionship. I rely on him, with my "blind faith" and I get the things I need.

I have been told I am awful for following the Christian faith, and that I am worse for wanting to persue the Catholic faith. Yet, its the heart that really matters in the end.

On days like these..

It on days like these that you realize how much God is present in your life.

I have always struggled with God, trying to reach out to him, but it was my own fault that I never reached far enough. I wasn't trying. I was just..hoping. I believe in hope, oh yes, but I was just expecting to be saved when I needed it. I needed to give myself to him, and I think today was that day.

At 12 AM we arrived at the church, a massive structure with menacing pillars and gothic spikes. Yet, when I stepped inside I heard the laughter of children, a sound I love and pray for everyday. There was a nusery school next to the small chapel where small cemonies, in this case the memorial, and the sound was so relieving to almost dropped my things. I think I had been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and with one little sound, it flew away.

To the dismay of my Aunt Chow, one of my mothers 5 sisters, I was running the sound and unable to sit with the family. I ran over the songs and I was perfectly fine...until 2 people came in. They sat quietly, one folding her arms, but they looked so...unhappy to be there. Of course no one is ever happy to be at a funeral for a friend, or family member, but they did not look mournful, they looked obligated. Let me explain obligated. Its like having to go to a party where you know people that you need to meet will be. These women, very short, and very old, looked like they had to come to this and they sat there, arms folded, like teenagers at a quilters clique. I was, for a lack of better words, pissed.

Yet the anger subsided into crying and I looked like a sobbing mess for 5 minutes in a quiet room while the rest of my family filed in.

Now, I don't need to tell you about the weeping during the ceremony, or any of that. Sad things happen on sad occasions. But I do want to tell you that the pastor of that church is amazing, and I will visit his church, often.

God does indeed have mysterious ways of going about things. I don't think I have ever prayed more in one day than I did today. Mostly to keep my Aunts and Cousins and Mother and Grandmother from losing their heads. I was strong for a while, long enough to take care of those who needed me, and I thank God for granting me that.

But the strangest things were happening today. We found the serenity prayer on 3 different book marks in my grandmothers bible, on a window in the hotel, and before today, last week, I prayed it twice, and gave someone a gift with that prayer on it. God was telling me something, and I think it meant, share. Change. Give. Love. And pray more often!

Thank you God, for my beautiful, rebellious Aunt Jeri. She is in our hearts and aways will be.

Remeber that each day you leave the house, each morning you wake, each night before you eat, to thank GOD for that day and for the people you love most.

Where for art thou Sunday?

I woke early this morn to find that I had spent the night at my Aunt's best friend's house, where my Aunt from out of town was staying due to the loss of my other Aunt, my dearest Aunt Jeri.

On a side note, I would like to mention that my Aunt was one of the best people to live, and I miss her so much. But I am very glad that she is in Heaven where she can be with her most favorite of people, My great Grandfather, Papa.

It was 9:45, and morning mass had already started and I banged my head on the table more than a few times, as I sat down to look at my tired and very forlorn Aunt Cherril. I had missed Mass, on the day when I most needed it. I thought to myself, as I sat there, "Why does my body refuse to wake on the days when I most need and crave the word of God?"
And then I thought about it some more, and I realized it was out of fear. I fear the process of coming to God, and realizing my own potential. But as I sit here, I realize that I do not need to come to God, for he already has me in his arms. So as I sipped at my morning coffee I promised myself that I would attend next Sunday's Mass and I would go to the confimation classes that signed up for and I would stay true to my word.

One of the teachers at my school, who is the wife of the blog I now follow, is my sponsor and I know she will do me right. She is so very nice to me, and has never wronged me in anyway, Travis is a very lucky guy.

So Sunday, here I come, to listen, to worship, to inhale the very word of God.

Thank you to Travis, and Jen. I do hope you read this, and I hope that we have a blessed day.

And Travis, though we havent met properly, if there is a proper way to meet, I think you are a great guy. Your Blog is awesome and it inspires me to write more.

God Bless.

The endless amounts of poetry.

You will never guess how many poems I have written. And by poem, I mean angry, depressive, and sometimes quite logical words strewn together into a non-rhyming pattern. Not that sissy, "Roses are Red" stuff. I am so complex I even confuse myself,. And this blog, this is not a new thing to me , only a new website, where I will fill e-pages, with words that will either make no sense at all to you, or completely shock you. Or you might love it, and tell your publisher about it!
And there will be typos...oh there shall be. For I am sometimes too busy to spell check, or even stop typing.

You will get used to it, once you read the rest of my work. I might stop to look over my words, but I doubt it.

Thanks you Blogspot. I think you will serve me well.