Friday, February 27, 2009

Faith in Flying.

Gravity is spiteful. It holds you down, it makes you not jump nearly as high as those guys in the denies you flight.
I used to think that gravity was the most awful thing in the world. It made me fall out of trees and scrape my knees, it made me stay on the ground when the kite I ran with flew in the sky, as free as the birds. I used to hate gravity.
Now I think of gravity as God's hands keeping me well grounded. Gravity allows me to walk on the street and not be blown into a building, just as God's hands keep me from harm. Gravity keeps me well grounded when paper flies about in the wind, unable to grip anything, just as God's love for me keeps me well grounded in my faith.
Yet I have the faith that when my spirit is not bound to this earthly body, then my spirit will fly far beyond this place and become part of the heaven that I so crave.

Faith makes me feel like I don't have to fly right now, because the waiting makes it that much sweeter.

Thank you Lord, for being my gravity.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Im a worrier.

It seems like every day I think of something to say, something brilliant(to me at least), and then I say it... and people look at me like I'm odd, or a little off in the head. I often think of different ways to talk to someone, or ways to make a person feel more at home. I think of new ways to tutor my students, and new ways to write a paragraph in my book. ( Yes, I have a book in progress, and its been that way for 3 progress.) I over-analyze things. I misspell, go back to fix it, and end up rewriting things I never meant to rewrite. In a way, I might be able to attribute that to my focus on too many things.

They say a persons home reflects who they are, as well as their car, or their locker. If their car/home is messy and unorganized, that means the person who owns it is messy and unorganized. If the car/home is neat and well kept, then that person is neat and well kept. Well if that statement is true, then I must be the most unorganized person in the world. Papers fly about in my purse, my laundry is never put away, I struggle to even find the remote at times. My current place of residence is not mine by choice, and in a month I will no longer live there, yet...I will move in with a person who is messy , unorganized and sort of loud. Will I cancel myself out by moving in with a messy person? I sure hope so.

Tips on keeping your house semi-clean.
1. Keep things in the same places you left them. If you take them, return them to their original place of residence.
2. When you see a small piece of paper on the floor, take the 2 seconds to throw it away.
3. Do your laundry on one specific day, or do small loads every 3 days. It will be so much easier.
4. Take your shoes off AT the door.
5. Designate a day for cleaning, and stick to it. If you say you'll clean then, then you better get on those rubber gloves and start cleaning.
6.Play some music loud enough to drain out all opposing thoughts.

Another thing I need to focus more on is leaving my emotions inside of me. I tend to let people hurt me, I tend to be too....sensitive. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it hurts when I use my arms, if you get my point. I am always getting hurt. I need to do what my grandmother said to me long ago and just go on. I need to let go and let GOD. He can take care of things for me, the ones that rest on my mind all of the time.

It might just be a female thing, but I tend to care too much about what people think of me, and insta-guilt overwhelms me most of my day. For example, I was sick this weekend...very, I didnt leave the bathroom for a few hours...ew, sorry I know that was TMI, but I had to. This weekend was the day of my School's Mardi Gras...and I couldnt attend due to my illness. I contacted as many people as I could, but none answered, and I was so sad that I cried, thinking that they would be upset at me for not showing up. I care too much what people think. Its not my fault no one picked up their phone, and its not my fault I had some bad sushi...its NOT.

I worry about the well being of the world too much. I cry at the commercials for WWF (World Wildlife Fund) and ASPCA, and anything involving small hungry children or dying animals, and then I cry harder for not having the money to send to them. Oh yeah, don't watch TV with me, I'll cry on you. I worry worry worry about everything everything everything involving the earth. Once again, I need to let go and let GOD. He made it, he takes care of it, he made us to take care of what we can. If I don't have the means currently to help out the earth, then God will make it so I can make the money to take care of the earth if that is one of my purposes on earth.

So, let's stop worrying and lets let go of our troubles and let God handle them.
I'm going to try right now, and stop worrying how much noise these small children are making and just find a way to solve it. =]

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Advice from the 90s.

Baz Luhrmann was a brilliant man who spoke these words of advice. Read them, Google him and listen to them, or just ignore my post. But please, scan over.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97 ...If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

I love that song/speech because it inspires me to be that better person I should be. Take a good long look at yourself, and realize that change is possible. And it will be good if you let it.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4

Yes I know V-Day is over, as many of you are glad of. But on that friday before V-day I had an epiphany, and I finally understand the true meaning of love.

I have the most wonderful person as a co-worker, and I am so very blessed to have her in my life. This woman who thinks of others, and cares for her students as if they were hers. This woman who can make me laugh, and who can make the funniest faces. This woman who's faith and hope in marriage gives me faith and hope for my future. This woman who dares me to make more of myself, and gives of herself to make me that better person. I thank this woman for all she has done, and all that I pray we can do together in the future. Thank you Anna.

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Those are the words on the picture frame she gave me, and they mean more to me that she will ever know. I am so blessed! She is the true meaning of love. No, not in the other way..ew...but like...she loves me as a friend does, and it is a good love to have in your life.

"What is a friend?A single soul dwelling in two bodies."
Author: Aristotle

Friends are the people that make you laugh when you have been crying all day.
Friends are the ones that look you in the eye and make a face right as you are saying something important, but they straighten up and listen once they know you're serious.
Friends are the people you cry to when you get your heart stomped on.

Keep those who would praise you near, and those who would hurt you far from you.

I am just full of little snippets of info and quotes today. Its actually pretty funny.


Thursday, February 12, 2009

Complaining. A continuation. and Valentines.

And here is the continuation of my previous blog. "Oh the things I learn"

So I get this message one day I sat there, praying to God to end this swiftly, and there he was, writing me and telling what a coward he was. I didn't need to hear it, I knew it! He had hidden from me, and that in my book puts him as a level 7 coward! So, me being the oh-I-am-still-in-love-fool , I ask him if he is coming back to where I live, the supposed place of our new beginning, and he feeds me a line of Bull Spit, saying he missed his family too much and his friends. First of all, he had done nothing but complain about them when he was down here. Anyways, long story short, he left me. There is absolutely no closure, and I feel as if the weight still sits there, but in time, in God's time I will be better.

Now that that rant is over and done with I can tell you something amazing a friend taught me. It is better to dwell on the good rather than on the bad. In the bible it says that any non healthy words are a sin. Complaining! OH LORD. I have the biggest issue with that, due to the fact that I am a woman and words flow freely from my mouth past the filter that was issued upon puberty. I talk about my woes, but I think my point is I get past it. Its hard to distinguish whether when you're at a get-together and you are talking to a friend about your troubles, whether it's considered complaining or asking for advice.

Complaining is when you whine about how bad your circumstances are and do absolutely nothing about them. Complaining is when you look the dispenser of advice in the face, nod your head, and pretend your listening while you complain silently in your head because they are the ones speaking, and it would be rude to interrupt. Complaining is when you blabber on constantly, not caring that your friend might have something to say as well.

Taking advice is when you open your ears to the thought that some one else might have been through this and can help you. Taking advice is not smiling and nodding, is weeping on their shoulder and hugging them, genuinely thanking them for all they have done. Taking advice is letting your friend tell you their thoughts, and help them right back.

When you start to complain to an associate, a parent, a loved one, a child, remember this Psalm.

"Set a guard, O Lord, before my mouth;
Keep watch at the door of my lips."
Psalm 141.3

Valentines Day is coming up, and for those of you with significant others, please consider this alternative form of gratitude and offering of love.

St. Valentine was a priest who wed young christian couples in Rome. Sadly, he was martyred in the 3rd century, but when he was in prison (for helping wed christian couples) he would send out letters of faith and hope to the couples, who were also in prison. These were called Valentines.

This year, forget the chocolates, leave the flowers for the kids. On a small piece of paper write down a time and date. And on that date you will spend time with your loved one, and you will do what they want to do. This is a beautiful gift due to its generosity, for a persons time is very limited, and we must never take for granted the ones we love. So try it out, and have a wonderful Valentines day.

Here is my message of Hope and Faith to you young Christian couples.

"Love is patient and kind. Love never forgets to say goodbye. Love is the one thing that keeps us so close to God. I love you, my brothers and sisters. Keep love alive. Give it. Live it. Love it. Amen."

Monday, February 9, 2009

Oh the things you learn...

When my grandmother would pick me up from school, back in the 90's,she would ask me what I learned as I sat down in her very large black cadillac.I hated that car. The seats were always either too hot, or too cold, never the right temperature for my bottom. I would fold my arms and sit there, replying , "Stuff." That sentence almost always led up to her replying, " Stuff is an awful lot to remember, maybe you should do your homework twice to get it all down right. "

God tests us the same way. Once to teach you , and another to see if you can remember it all. I learned that lesson the hard way, it hurt, like jamming your finger in a door, its not that bad, but it still bothers you.

If you read my last blog you would see that I was just a little, "WOE IS ME. WAHH WAHH. BLAH. BLAH. And such. Oh well, it hurt, I wrote it down. I was like a teenager who just couldn't keep it inside anymore! I was...acting a little 16ish. Anyway, moving on, this man did hurt me. Yet, I realized when I was younger I had done the same to someone.

I was young and a chubby little heartbreaker. I think my open personality got me into the weird dating scene, shoving me face first into the world of internet dating. I was such a nerd, I used to RP, DDR, SCA,IM, SPAM, T2, and so on. I was a weird kid. Yet, one day there was a man that came into my life, who changed my life. His name was Chris, and he was brilliant. He spoke to me as if I was a woman and not a child, which I most certainly was, and he made me feel accepted in a way no other had made me feel. We did the Instant message for a few months, and then the phone. He had a marvelous voice, deep and gruff. He spoke clearly, with wonderous words I had never heard of and he always made me laugh. But when he began to say I love you, and wanted to see me, things began to change. O didn't want to travel out there. I wanted him out here. AND THERE WAS MY LESSON.

With this previous relationship, the one in the BLAHBLAHCRY blog, I had actually had my internet boyfriend move here. Well things came to things and he had to go back to Dallas, where he lives. And for at least 3 days he did not talk to me. That is what upset me so badly. Oh I know, cry me a river right?

SO I get this mess--

No I want you to wait for it. TO BE CONTINUED.

Friday, February 6, 2009

I miss all the little things.

The words.."I miss you." never have any meaning until some one is waving goodbye from a bus, and you have this deep dark feeling down in your heart that they aren't coming back. They kiss you sweetly in the bus station as you weep, almost collapsing into their arms, and whisper encouraging things, yet still, you feel it that this is the last time they will ever hold you. Their sweet kisses are lies, and their arms are like ropes. You are tied to this liar by your heart strings, and yet still you cling to this thief, this man who has told you of his love, and has washed tears from your face.

I have never been so weak. I poured myself into this man, literally gave him myself. And now, all I have to show for it is the outer shell of a woman who has nothing to her name but a broken heart and hands lifted to God.

I fell to my knees this morning , praying for this to end swiftly. Just end the heartache and begin the alone time.

And so I prayed this prayer.

"Dear Lord,
Take this want from me, and fill it with a need for you,
Take this pain from me and direct it to a love for you,
Take this man from me and replace him with a man sent from you,
and lord...could you please make him cute?"

Hope you had a good laugh, because I did. Its good to laugh amidst your pain. If you don't, it takes longer to remember what a smile looks like. I like my smile, I tend to have dimples. Hah.

Let us move from depressive and saddening subjects to new and happy ones.

Songs to listen to while writing.

Yiruma. A classical pianist who can turn a piano into a bed of notes that float into your ears. Sounds interesting, eh? Look especially for Kiss the Rain, and River Flows in You.

Sia. She is sweet, and her voice is soft. A calming sort of sound. Breathe Me is a very personal song.

Death Cab for Cutie. Very mellow, a different beat, a weird set of lyrics, and a good message. Passenger Seat, Summer Skin, and Brothers on a Hotel Bed. All of them have very good messages...very deep and makes you think.

My friends, the like, 2 of you, I do wish to hear more from you and I do wish to see more posts, more comments, and more friends! =] Thanks guys.